Gift of Singleness: Navigating Solo Christian Life on Purpose

The Challenges of Singleness

I like to end on a positive note, so let’s begin by addressing the challenges of singleness. But before we do, it’s important to acknowledge that married people struggle too. One season isn’t necessarily better than the other—it’s just different.

That said, I often tell my married friends, “I know marriage doesn’t solve all problems, I’m just ready for some different problems.”

Each of us will struggle with different aspects of singleness, so these challenges may not all resonate with you. But perhaps they will inspire you to lean into your own pain points and find new ways to navigate them.

Decision Fatigue

I get so tired of making all the decisions. Every choice—from finances to home repairs to daily meals—is mine alone. Yes, the Lord is with me, but He also grants us a measure of sovereignty over our lives (He is the Lord of lords). By the end of the day, decision-making can feel exhausting. That’s why I try to automate as much as possible—meal plans, routines, and systems that make life easier.

And yet… I am not alone. He invites me to cast every burden on Him. When I feel the weight of it all, I know it’s time to shift my focus back to Him and ask for wisdom to thrive in this season.

Lack of Touch and Basic Human Affection

As someone who values physical touch, this is one of the hardest aspects of singleness for me. I miss the warmth of human connection—being held, a long hug, walking hand in hand through the city. Yes, God is with me, but that doesn’t erase the very real, human need for physical affection.

And yet… He knows. He designed me this way. He isn’t indifferent to my longings. I cherish moments when I get to hold a friend’s baby or receive a meaningful hug. No, it’s not the same—but I’ve learned to appreciate the touch I do receive, while also allowing myself to grieve the loss.

All the Responsibility is on Me

Every issue—whether it’s dealing with a landlord, fixing a plumbing problem, or keeping up with household chores—falls entirely on me. Yes, I only have myself to clean up after, but there’s still an entire house to maintain.

And yet… He is my Provider. There’s no shame in asking for help—whether it’s hiring a house cleaner or leaning on friends. Sharing responsibilities, even through outsourcing, is not just an act of self-care but an opportunity to bless others who provide these services.

More Alone Time

For the longest time, I didn’t know how to be alone. Thank God I learned! But as I’ve grown older, I’ve found that my social landscape has shifted—my college-aged friends are in different life stages, and many of my other friends have families to tend to.

And yet… this season offers a unique gift—undistracted time with the Father. While many parents struggle to carve out even minutes of quiet, I have the privilege of hours in His presence. I can worship, study, and grow without interruption. I can pour into younger believers, cultivate my interests, and truly learn to value myself apart from anyone else.

I especially found Elisabeth Elliot’s The Path of Loneliness quite helpful and encouraging in this journey of singleness.

Unmet Human Needs (Yes, I’m Talking About Sex)

Let’s be real—God didn’t make us non-sexual beings before marriage, only to flip a switch afterward. This is one of the most difficult aspects of singleness because those desires don’t just disappear.

I remember preaching on singleness in the church and mentioning how no one ever asks me about my sex life—while I regularly check in on my married friends about theirs. Just because I’m abstaining doesn’t mean the desire isn’t there.

And yet… God sees my sacrifice. He understands my longing. He isn’t afraid of my frustration or pain. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this—I can bring every struggle to Him.

Unsolicited Advice & Unhelpful Comments

“Why are you still single? You’re amazing!”
“If you’d just stop wanting it, it would come.”
“You’re too confident—it scares men away.”

Or my personal favorite (cue the eye roll): when someone who married their high school sweetheart tells me that their season of singleness was hard.

To be fair, it probably was but it isn’t the same as someone who has lived their entire life single and now their friends’ kids are graduating high school. Nor does it have to be. We aren’t looking for understanding just some empathy and compassion.

And yet… God is the God of all comfort. He meets me in my tears and questions. When I ask, “Why so long, Lord?” He doesn’t dismiss me—He validates my pain. And I’m grateful for friends who do the same.

Just recently, I shared about a rough couple of weeks with a friend, and her response nearly made me cry: “Wow, Kimberly, that’s a lot to bear on your own. Even just dealing with your landlord issues sounds exhausting—I don’t know how I’d do it without my husband.”

These are the people worth keeping close—the ones who see, acknowledge, and walk with us through our struggles.

Your Pain is Valid—But It’s Not the End of the Story

I want to be abundantly clear: your struggles in singleness are valid. They are not something to dismiss, suppress, or be ashamed of.

But also? They don’t define you.

So, what do we do with these challenges?

I hear many single Christians say that it’s harder to be single in the church than in the world because at least the world can have sex. But the truth is—we have that choice too. God values our ability to choose, but the real question is: will that choice bring life?

Sex isn’t the solution.
A spouse making decisions for you isn’t the solution.
A perfectly curated life isn’t the solution.

The only solution is a relationship with the Lord.

The fun, the hard, the scary, the painful—He wants all of it.

And perspective? It changes everything. We can either adopt the world’s view of singleness or His view of it.

Because I know far too many married people who feel alone in their marriages.
I have friends who have been married for decades yet have never experienced pleasurable sex.
I know so many women who walk in shame over their bodies, feeling unseen and unloved.

The enemy is after marriages—but it starts with individuals.

So maybe the real answer isn’t marriage.
Maybe the real answer is a deeper relationship with the Lord.
Maybe it’s learning to love yourself—the way He already does.

Singleness as a Gift

Something I want to make sure we do is come back to Scripture. While Paul encouraged people to remain single (1 Cor. 7:7) and Yeshua Himself was single, God also created marriage as a gift. Singleness and marriage are not about one being better than the other—they are simply different callings with unique blessings and challenges.

I find it interesting how often we desire what someone else has. The curly-haired woman wishes for straight hair and vice versa. The single woman longs for marriage and motherhood, while the overwhelmed mom craves a quiet day alone. Those who feel heavy wish to be thinner, while some who are thin wish they could gain weight.

Obviously, this is an oversimplification, but the point remains: comparison is easy, yet it never leads to true fulfillment. The only comparison that truly matters is when we look to Yeshua, the one who lived perfectly.

Singleness was never meant to be about isolation or forced independence. Instead, it offers a unique opportunity for growth, intimacy with God, and service to others. Like all of God’s gifts, it is designed not only for personal benefit but also to build up the body of believers.

We’ve talked about some of the challenges of singleness, but now let’s explore its unique blessings.

Unique Opportunities to Serve

Singles often have a gift that many married people wish they had—time. That being said, singleness doesn’t mean your time is less valuable, nor should it be assumed that you have more availability for serving.

Too often, singles are expected to “fill in the gaps” simply because they don’t have a spouse or children. But service, like anything else, should come from a place of love and willingness, not obligation.

That said, there is a unique opportunity in this season to serve freely. Without the demands of marriage and family life, singles can often pursue ministry, travel, and outreach in ways that married people might find more challenging.

Pro tip: Make the most of your time as a single person, whether it lasts for a few years or a lifetime. Ask the Lord how you can use this season to serve and love those around you. Consider how you can live out the “one another” commands of Scripture in a way that is fulfilling and life-giving.

Freedom in Decision-Making

There is a gift in being able to make decisions without the need for constant compromise. While married couples make choices together, singles have the opportunity to seek God’s will and move forward independently.

This is a time to learn decision-making skills, grow in discernment, and develop a deep reliance on God’s guidance. The ability to confidently hear His voice and make wise choices is a lifelong asset, whether you remain single or eventually marry.

Pro tip: Ask God what He wants to teach you in this season about decision-making. Seek His wisdom, but also recognize the authority He has given you as a “lord” under His Lordship. This is a time to develop confidence in the voice He has placed within you.

A Focus on Personal Development

One of the most overlooked benefits of singleness is the opportunity for deep personal growth. Unfortunately, many churches unintentionally downplay self-development by emphasizing self-sacrifice without balance.

Loving others well starts with knowing and loving yourself as God does. If you don’t love yourself, how can you love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31)? When we don’t value ourselves, relationships—whether friendships, marriages, or even church communities—suffer.

I am passionate about helping people learn to love themselves in a healthy, God-honoring way. That’s why I’ll be releasing a course soon on how to develop self-love rooted in biblical truth. So many relationship issues stem from people who don’t know how to love themselves, leading to unnecessary pain, insecurity, and even breakdowns in marriages and friendships.

Pro tip: Spend intentional time with the Lord, asking Him how He sees you. Make lists of what brings you joy and fulfillment. Seek healing, invest in your growth, and develop a deep appreciation for who God has made you to be. When the time comes for your next season—whether marriage or something else—you will be grounded in His love.

Learning Discipline & Offering a Sacrifice of Praise

Discipline is a part of the Christian life for everyone, but there is something unique about the discipline required in singleness—especially when it comes to purity.

In today’s hypersexualized culture, walking in purity is difficult. I can’t tell you how many times people have been shocked that I have chosen abstinence. The common response? “But it’s a basic human need!”

Yes, intimacy is a God-given desire, but it isn’t a necessity for a fulfilled life. Yeshua lived a full, complete, joyful life without ever experiencing sexual intimacy. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it does mean it’s possible.

I once preached on singleness in the church and pointed out how no one ever asks me about my struggles with sexual desire, while married people openly discuss their challenges. After the sermon, someone actually approached me and asked! I had to laugh, but I appreciated the acknowledgment that this is a real and valid struggle.

Yet, in the midst of this struggle, there is an opportunity to offer God a sacrifice of praise.

David once said, “I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God that cost me nothing” (2 Sam. 24:24). A sacrifice is only meaningful if it actually costs us something.

Bill Johnson once pointed out that for all of eternity, we will worship God—but only in this life do we have the chance to give Him a sacrifice of praise. There will be no struggle, no unmet longings in heaven. The praise we offer in our struggles is something uniquely precious to God.

Pro tip: When struggles arise—whether in purity, loneliness, or unmet desires—bring them to the Lord as a sacrifice. Worship through the pain. There is something deeply powerful about offering up our longings to Him and trusting that He sees, He knows, and He cares.

Just because it is hard and perhaps even painful does not mean that it is not good. Jesus also suffered in His life. It is dangerous to believe that we wouldn’t as well.

Supporting Single Friends

This is a wildly important topic that I think is often overlooked. SO much so that I preached an entire sermon on it. Below are just a few thoughts, but I encourage you to ask God how you can personally support the single people in your life and community.

Invite Them In

Psalm 68:6 says that God sets the lonely in families. As the body of believers, we are called to care for one another, and this goes both ways.

In my experience, it’s easy to include single people when they are college students, but it becomes more complicated when they are our peers. And yet, it is even more important at that stage of life. However, this can only be done well in spiritually and emotionally healthy environments.

When we are walking in wholeness, we can be around the opposite sex in a way that honors God and one another. As a woman over 40, one of the things I miss most is having male friendships. I’m not talking about one-on-one time with married men, but the ability to have genuine conversations and friendships with men—married or single—without fear or awkwardness.

A healthy community also prevents us from becoming overly dependent on any one relationship to meet our emotional or social needs.

Celebrate with Them

We celebrate births, marriages, and birthdays—but single people often don’t have as many natural opportunities to be celebrated. It can feel as if we are overlooked.

How amazing would it be if the Church intentionally rallied around those without nearby family and celebrated their milestones—graduations, work promotions, personal achievements, or even just honoring who they are? Find ways to celebrate the gift of your single friends in your life.

Stop the Cliché Conversations

Few things are as frustrating for a single person as hearing:
“You just need to stop looking.”
“Maybe you’ve made marriage an idol.”

God is the one who places desires in our hearts. He will fulfill them in His way, whether through marriage or other means. Dismissing or over-spiritualizing someone’s longing for marriage can feel invalidating and hurtful.

Married people sometimes talk about their season of singleness as if they fully understand—but if you got married at 21 after being single for a year or two, you may not truly relate. And that’s okay! You don’t have to fully understand—just have compassion.

We are called to listen, empathize, and walk with one another through life’s seasons. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t try to rationalize it. Just be present.

Ask us the hard questions

Encourage your single friends to grow and deepen in their walk with God by asking the tough questions (and be prepared to have them asked back!). Hebrews 10:24 calls us to “spur one another on to love and good works.”

Singleness doesn’t erase the fact that we are sexual beings. Ask your single friends how they are handling that tension and how you can support them in that space.

Ask how they are serving or using this season well—not with judgment, but with an invitation to encounter the Father’s heart for their unique journey.

Avoiding uncomfortable topics is not the answer. Walking through them, with honesty and grace, toward the heart of the Father—that’s where transformation happens.

Embracing Singleness

The journey of singleness can be difficult. But, my friend, so is being married to someone just to have sex or a companion. I have watched people I love enter marriage simply to avoid loneliness, only to find themselves in a far worse situation than if they had remained single.

Marriage is not a guaranteed cure for loneliness. Some people in marriage still feel unseen. Some long for deeper love in a way that their spouse may not fully understand. Others are exhausted by the constant need for compromise and decision-making. The solution to the “problem” of singleness is not marriage—because singleness is not a problem to be solved.

The real solution is seeing singleness for what it truly is: a gift. I know—that doesn’t always feel true. But God is a good gift-giver. He gives lavishly, wisely, and without limitation.

One of the most helpful truths I’ve come to understand is that the moment we pray for something, God sets in motion everything needed to prepare us for that answered prayer. If He were to give it to us before we were ready, it would crush us.

And sometimes, it feels like singleness—or even marriage—is crushing us. But God knows exactly what we need to learn and how best to teach us so that when the gift comes, we are ready to receive and enjoy it.

I am convinced that some people need to learn certain lessons in marriage, while others need to learn them in singleness. A friend of mine once told me, “I never truly saw my sin until I got married.” Marriage revealed things he had never noticed about himself. But for others, God does that refining work in singleness.

Either way, it’s never worth rushing ahead of God. Yes, He can redeem anything, including our impatience and missteps—but when we push ahead, we often add unnecessary pain to the process.

So as you walk through this season, allow the Lord to shape and prepare you. Release the outcome. Let go of the need to control when and how things happen. Trust that when the time is right, God’s timing will not only be good for you and your future spouse, but it will also bring Him the most glory.