i remember when i was a kid i absolutely loved to sing! i loved to sing melody. i loved to sing along to every song that came on the radio. it drove everyone else crazy but i loved it. i loved four part harmony as i grew up and in college when i learned how to harmonize, i was sold. it was so beautiful!
but i was never a worshiper. i sang. i sang for the beauty of the voices and the sound. i sang because i liked it not because i thought God did.
this morning as i was standing there during worship, my heart became aware that the Father had given me so many hard paths to walk, rough patches to cross over but that through each one, he was slowly drawing me closer. through each prayer of desperation for breakthrough and hope and revelation, my intimacy with him grew. i by no means have arrived but my heart feels it.
i became overwhelmed with thankfulness. thankfulness that i wasn’t simply singing the words but i was worshiping. that i am a worshiper. my heart became thankful that though i wish so badly to be married, these 30 years have so cultivated a heart of worship. that though i wanted to do “big” things i am not and have been in places of serving.
i wonder what my heart would look like if i had gotten things my way. maybe i would have a much harder time at worshiping. maybe i wouldn’t be so dependent. maybe i wouldn’t run to Him the way i have to. and now i walk wide eyed and expectant for where He will take me next!
