it is absolutely amazing to me how silly we are sometimes. maybe it is naivety. maybe it is sheer stupidity. maybe it is rebellion. whatever it is, i’m over it.
what i mean to say is i find myself crying out like paul did…
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
i find that the Lord is successful in tearing down a wall and no sooner has he torn down a wall that i see i have built another or discovered one i never knew existed.
i think the beauty of that, however, is that it reminds me of heaven. it reminds me of who He is. what He is capable of doing and that it is not in my own strength or ability. that it is by His Spirit that i have victory over sin and death.
i can’t imagine doing life without Him even on my worst day.