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i have been taking a class on mondays and a couple weeks ago we talked about how our worldviews impact our decisions whether we know it or not. they are shaped by experiences, things we learn, etc. it is possible to change them but first we have to be aware of them.

some of them are good worldviews and some of them totally dishonor God. some of them change more regularly so have been there so long, you wonder if they will ever change. some of them are easy to see and some are quite crafty.

then there those that seem to be tested. poked. prodded. taunted by the enemy. those worldviews that are Jesus’ worldview but the circumstances don’t seem to fit.

there have been so many people around me getting pregnant and engaged and married. and it is so fun to be happy with them, but there is most definitely something in me that feels like a little punch to the gut. a dream lost. a hope deffered.

i always wanted 12 kids. or a lot anyways. i didn’t want to be turning 32 and have only been in one serious relationship. i didn’t want to work or have influence or teach…but here i am, and i love it. but with loving it and living the life God has me on, it means sacrifice of other dreams.

my worldview that God is good and for me and delights in giving me good gifts is tested. but if i am sure of one thing it is this…when i see Him face to face, when i enter His presence in the fullness of glory, i won’t be thinking about the husband i didn’t get to love and serve or the children i didn’t get to raise. i will be so taken with Him that it will all pale in comparison.

until then it is all about perseverance and remembering His faithfulness; living the abundant life He came, died, and rose that i might live.