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sometimes i feel like God is consistently answering my prayers. or answering prayers prayed long ago. sometimes it feels like He has forgotten prayer even more so the ones from long ago. sometimes i feel like i know exactly what i am supposed to do and where i am going. sometimes i feel like i don’t know which way is up.

the idea of preparation immediately makes me think of Esther. they set her aside and for a year prepared her to go before the king. an entire year!

then there is the other side of preparation. the side of fighting and strengthening and getting ready for a battle so you will be fit for the war.

i feel as if both are going on simultaneously and it is wearing me out. i see the Lord doing both in my heart, physically, mentally, etc. it is so good and draining all at the same time. He gently reminds me to make enough time for Him. is that even a measure? can there be enough time with Him? i feel like it is never enough. there is never enough time in his presence.

and so i sit.

and wait.

i wait for Him to fill me up. to remind me of truth because the matter of fact is sometimes…sometimes i just don’t know.