over the last few years i have really enjoyed getting to know myself. this may sound like a strange comment so let me explain. i spent so many years doing what everyone else wanted. i didn’t have an opinion because i wanted to be likable. i was a people pleaser to the core. my standard answer was i am good with whatever, which is fine if it is true but not so good when you actually care.
so over the last few years i have gotten to know myself so much more. so many situations i have been thrown into have allowed me this opportunity. things like living by myself. moving to states where i know no one. the biggest is learning my identity in Christ. my worth and value.
things i have learned about myself….
– i don’t want added responsibility of a pet. i don’t like their hair on me. i don’t like the barking or having to take care of them. i would much rather see a human when i come home that an animal any day.
– i have emotions, even though i stuffed them for nearly two decades, and sometimes they overwhelm me but i am thankful that i get to feel them.
– i love to dance. hahahahahahahahahah thank you Lord for freedom! i never thought i would say that.
– i have rediscovered things i loved but let go of along the way. things like teaching and encouraging people.
– i actually love being alone to recharge. i always thought i was an extreme extrovert and the more i learn about myself, the more i see that i love people and love interacting and encouraging and loving on them, but large groups drain me, which is super good to know.
tonight i learned something new about myself. i think i would rather go out to eat than cook. this is kind of a big deal. i have always said i would rather cook and i think there are some times that i would so much rather cook if it is going to be good long community time. if it is for more than just myself. today i worked hard. i drove to TX, cleaned out one room, bought a couple panels of fencing and then installed said fencing. the last thing i wanted to do was cook. so i went to chipotle and stood in a long line because it is that good. i took my food outside and enjoyed a meal by myself as the sun set. and i loved it. granted, i would rather be with someone while i eat, but tonight it wasn’t unbearable.
i look forward to what else i will discover, what the Lord will reveal to me about myself. i am so thankful that He is so kind to do it slowly and not hit me upside the head with all of it at once. as much as i wish He would hurry along in so many areas of my life, it is comforting knowing that He is the one in control, who is perfectly faithful and always on time. who knows what is best for me in spite of me wanting something else. it is comforting knowing that He is a loving father and not just trying to withhold from me the desires He placed in my heart and planned would be there before the world began.