satisfaction:
: a happy or pleased feeling because of something that you did or that happened to you
: the act of providing what is needed or desired : the act of satisfying a need or desire
: a result that deals with a problem or complaint in an acceptable way
it doesn’t necessarily mean all of these simultaneously.
the more and more i think about Jesus in the garden and this idea that even though He was strengthened, He remained in anguish, the more and more i am seeing that just because He is complete satisfaction doesn’t mean that my circumstances will change or that my heart will feel different immediately but that i can trust Him to get it there at some point.
i don’t understand why pain has to co-exist with comfort or satisfaction or strengthening.
i don’t understand what in the world He is doing more than half the time.
i know that i get to call out to Him. to talk to Him. to share with Him my heart and wait in expectation and anticipation. i know i get to be thankful that He is with me even in the midst of the craziest of seasons. i know that i get to rejoice and dance because He lives. He lives and He even lives to make intercession for me.
while he grows satisfaction in my heart with Him, i will just keep trekking. if i can do nothing else, i will stand firm, fully girded.