sometimes there are truths that you have heard a million times and even think you are walking in then all of a sudden they smack you in between the eyes. sometimes they are clear as a bell and others they are muddied and hazy.
i got to go to tampa last week for a friend’s wedding. he is a good friend. grew up with him since infancy and spent a lot of time at their house growing up. it was me and the 5 boys (my two brothers and the three boys in the other family). all that to say, there was no way i wasn’t going to go to his wedding if i could help it.
part of me didn’t want to go though.
there was the part of me that said “i can’t do another wedding”, another reminder that i am still single. that i am still alone. that i still have no one.
the wedding was beautiful and glorious. i had so much fun and got to catch up with some amazing people. so much better than i expected.
as i processed the week with a wise woman she reminded me that God wants me to pine for him. more than i pine for a future husband.
dang.
it hit me that i had returned to making some guy i don’t even know yet into an idol. it’s so easy to do. but it is so detrimental. God wants us to pine for Him alone. maybe you replace it with something else. maybe you want a baby more than anything. or a different job. or a raise. or to move.
but the truth is, none of it even means anything without Him. i am so thankful that i can go to him with my heart…just as it is, and He loves me all the same. He meets me where I am, reminds me of who He is/who i am in Him, and stirs my heart for Him once again.