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life is so interesting to me. the way God works and moves and stretches. in my experience, it seems like the things we fear most, we get the most interaction with, almost in an effort to show us who He is in it. i hope that isn’t horrible theology. it is the way i feel and not something i have researched.

but loneliness is the one thing i find myself going back to. the one thing i have always been most afraid of. the thing that i find myself not always learning to trust God in.

i feel like my life has a revolving door. people come in but rarely do they stay. if they stay, which i have some awesome friends in different states, they are in fact in different states…which doesn’t help in day to day life. and partly it is God. He has told me to move at least 2 of the times (out of 3) and the other one i prayed for a job and house in a different state in one weekend if it was where i was supposed to be…and it happened without me seeking much.

sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming. no amount of truth speaking, praying, or fasting seems to bring relief. i wonder if doing it God’s way is really the best. it sure isn’t the easiest. He then reminds of the psalms and not being “jealous of evil doers”. He reminds me of how He is working.

and then i cry. not just a tear up, pat the corners of my eye cry. a sob. the deep kind that seems to be the only response. the deep calling unto deep. the place in me that only God can fill. and it is there, and only there, i find some relief. he is near the brokenhearted.

He is a God who is close. He is a God who is comforting when we are hurting. and i never thought about this til Charles Bello said it but it is hard to comfort one who never grieves. He knows loss. He knows pain and He comforts perfectly.