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i have been processing pain. chronic pain. whether it is emotional or physical. i see it still affecting the same way. i see there is still the cry of the heart “please send relief, Lord!”

as i process with the Lord, sometimes He asks me questions. questions that hurt or excite orĀ  drive. some questions change things drastically.

what if I never answer how you want me to? what if i never bring relief? will you still be mine?

i immediately want to say yes, Lord! and i think. and i wait. and then i am reminded of job. of that precious ink forever on my arm to remind me that i gave Him my life. all of it. for better or for worse. when i am sick and when i am healthy. poor or rich. happy or sad.

…though He slay me, still i will hope in Him…

i see Him growing faithfulness in me that hopes to mirror His PERFECT faithfulness. i see Him working. i see me fighting even when i don’t want to fight.

i see that His faithfulness isn’t always pretty and nice and perfect in our perspectives. i see that He is worth the fight even when it doesn’t feel good or happy or better than what i want. i am thankful that it is His grace that saves and sustains cause i am most incapable of doing it on my own.

what about you? will you still be His if _________________?