i have been processing pain. chronic pain. whether it is emotional or physical. i see it still affecting the same way. i see there is still the cry of the heart “please send relief, Lord!”
as i process with the Lord, sometimes He asks me questions. questions that hurt or excite or drive. some questions change things drastically.
what if I never answer how you want me to? what if i never bring relief? will you still be mine?
i immediately want to say yes, Lord! and i think. and i wait. and then i am reminded of job. of that precious ink forever on my arm to remind me that i gave Him my life. all of it. for better or for worse. when i am sick and when i am healthy. poor or rich. happy or sad.
…though He slay me, still i will hope in Him…
i see Him growing faithfulness in me that hopes to mirror His PERFECT faithfulness. i see Him working. i see me fighting even when i don’t want to fight.
i see that His faithfulness isn’t always pretty and nice and perfect in our perspectives. i see that He is worth the fight even when it doesn’t feel good or happy or better than what i want. i am thankful that it is His grace that saves and sustains cause i am most incapable of doing it on my own.
what about you? will you still be His if _________________?