it is crazy to me that i sometimes think i can do anything on my own. in john 5, Jesus said big things like “…the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing” and “I can do nothing on my own.“
if Jesus said these things, why would i ever think i would be an exception.
sometimes the things i think i can do on my own are making a way or providing things i need/want/desire. so i work harder and more efficient in effort to provide. sometimes the things i think i can do on my own is protect myself. so i put up walls to “protect” my heart.
but the truest thing is that God never called me to protect myself. instead, He invites me to hide in the shelter of His wings, to be hidden in Him, to see Him as my strong tower in times of trouble.
seems obvious and clear but until this week, i had never thought about trying to protect myself as sin. but that is exactly what it is. anytime i try to do anything on my own, out of what i think is my own strength or ability, i choose self over Him.
at the risk of great pain, i would rather have His perfect protection than some weak self protection. i would rather my heart be in pieces and completely satisfied with the only One who can satisfy. i would rather know His protection and comfort and delight than something i think could be as good.