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i have been a doer for i think 110% of my life. i think in the womb i was thinking about things that i needed to do and places i had to go. people i needed to meet with and dreams i wanted to see fulfilled.

as i have grown in my walk with the Lord, the more i see how many things i think i can do but actually have no natural capacity to do them. i can’t change my future though society would tell you differently. i can’t make my heart want something other than what it wants though a million people think it helps to say “just let go”. i can’t people or futures or situations.

granted to some extent i can, i am talking about the ones i can’t. every day my eyes are opened a little more to how much control He actually has and how little i have. but even going a step beyond control, He has such a greater capacity to do things in me that i want to do but can’t do. when i want to choose Him, my flesh wins sometimes. when i want to “let go” of whatever it is, instead i choose to cling like my life depends on it.

and then there is this surreal moment, like in the eye of a tornado. it is calm and peaceful though it looks like there is a shitstorm all around. and you see that God has actually done something that you wanted done. HE has positioned your heart to where you wanted and fought for though you couldn’t do it yourself.

He is so faithful to remind us that HE is doing it. whether through a friend praying and having a word of encouragement or the perfect scripture passed along. and in the moments when these things happen, my affection is stirred for Him as He uses community to meet me in the muck and mire.

for I will satisfy the wear would, and every languishing soul I WILL replenish. jeremiah 31:25