about a month ago, as i sat in time with the Lord, i heard Him tell me this was my year for growth and freedom. not to say that i wouldn’t experience it in the future or i hadn’t experienced it in the past but that this year, specifically, would be marked by growth and freedom. and every time i turn around i feel like He is revealing more. He is removing the veil before my eyes, even the ones that i put up.
i have often struggled with thinking i was too loud. too nosy. too fill in the blank. especially as i have begun to head the Spirit more and interact with those who do also, i often felt less than cause i wasn’t the same as. because i didn’t have the same gifting. and i would hear we are all part of the body…but if i am being honest, it wasn’t good enough. i didn’t want to be a stinkin knee, i wanted to be the hand or the eye or whatever.
a lot of freedom came in Poland as God began to open my eyes to how He has gifted me. as i sat across a table from a man who started revival in the heart of Germany and hear him tell me that i have a strong teaching gifting. and i come back and am immediately placed in the position to teach. one of the many instances where God has been growing and showing me exactly how He has gifted me. not just how He has gifted me, but how unique and important it is.
obviously this is not about me in that i haven’t done anything. it is completely His work in me. for that i am grateful!
but even as i come to the close of this latest season of work and am training my replacement, i see this strong administrative gifting. it is one i always cursed. i didn’t want it. because everyone always wanted me to do everything. i never got to do the “fun” stuff because i was organizing. but while i was at work today and grew frustrated cause i “just can’t understand why she isn’t getting it quicker and don’t know why she gets so frazzled” the Lord showed me that was part of that administrative gifting He had given.
and as i shared with a friend how i was excited to get to frontline and pursue this new position, he talked about how i would be helping Josh do the things he was best at, taking away the things he wasn’t as good at. i couldn’t help but laugh because i then was understanding why God had been working this love for the administrative in me. one of my greatest strengths is this man’s weaknesses. i will get to have a impact on lives by doing what i am best at.
i have taken how He has gifted me for granted. i assumed it was just “me”. it is. it is exactly as He intended to make but i claimed the good. i downplayed His gifting. and then yet again i find myself repenting for taking credit that is so clearly belonging to the King of kings and the Lord of lords. and so i rest in Him and His gifts He has placed in me. ready to serve. ready to take on this new challenge with fresh vision. with new excitement!!!!