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tonight as i heard someone mention james 1:2 it kinda hit me. like in a whole new way. maybe because of how i see Him working faith and trust in my life. maybe because as a friend prayed for me two weeks ago he talked about how it seems like God is going to such lengths to work faithfulness in me and show me His faithfulness.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

and though i read steadfastness, it hit me that steadfastness is faithfulness. faithfulness. there it is again.

this is a hard and painful lesson.

and then to count it joy.


joy is not what i feel as i process feelings. through all the emotions i am so desperately wanting to trust Him in spite of any feeling. at the end of the day…truth is still truth, whether or not i feel it.

when i feel completely alone the truth is still that He promised to never leave me.

when i feel like He is simply using me here on earth the truth is that He gave up the comfort of heaven to die for me because He loved me so much!

when i feel that i am not enough in some aspect to gain any given desire the truth is that He says He will accomplish His task and see to it that it is completed.

the truth is that i serve a sovereign God. a God who knows i will hear Him wrong. a God who will make my path straight when i don’t lean on my own understanding.

and it is there i realize that freedom is not perfection or arriving at a certain place or even having a certain prayer answered. freedom is walking hand in hand with Him, seeing it through His eyes and trusting Him when my eyes are blind.