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i have never been a fan of hospitals. in fact i hate them. i dread going to them. my mom spent the better part of my childhood in and out of the hospital. i remember one time she left in an ambulance when i was pretty young. there were many a nights i remember visiting her at Tampa General Hospital.

tonight i got to go visit a friend in the hospital. as he lay in his hospital bed, painfully turning and twisting every so often, we chatted. i shared a good part of my story. he asked questions.

my favorite part is the genuine questions. the question of is it worth it? is Jesus actually worth dying to self daily? i think of Jesus telling the disciples to count the cost (luke 14). it is serious. it isn’t something to be flippant about. this is the most important question of them all.

if the answer is yes, everything changes. if there is confident hope that Jesus is in fact worth all the dying to self, all the trials and tribulations, all the hard work, God promises that hope won’t disappoint.

and as he wrestles with the question my faith grows stronger. i believe in a God who is faithful when friends are dying and tsunamis are hitting and tornadoes are rampaging. and i thank God for the revelation. i think of Jesus sitting with peter on the beach. He asks peter who peter thinks He is and when he says that Jesus is the Son of God, Jesus responds with flesh and blood did not reveal it but my Father who is in heaven.

i serve a God who speaks. a God who gives revelation that i could never come to on my own. i serve a God who draws me. who sustains me. who satisfies me. i serve a God that produces joy in the midst of pain and hope in the midst of chaos. my God is completely worth it and for it i am willing to give my whole life.