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i think there are a lot of reasons we experience the things we do. they are gifts from God (both struggle and blessing). they are frustrations from satan. they are the result of our choice. they are the result of others’ choices. sometimes they are consequences of living in a fallen world.

and as i think about the sudden discontent i have been struggling with some things, i see it different than i have before.

in the last few months, maybe 6 months, i have been intentional to thank God for the things that i am most definitely not thankful for. “i am thankful for this season of singleness where you are doing things i don’t even understand.” “i thank you for a job i am miserable doing because you are teaching me faithfulness.” ” thank you for drying up community so that i learn to bring everything to You, Lord.”

none of those were easy. pleasurable. enjoyable. at best it was a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. it was a choice to declare it.

and on the other side i find myself in a place i haven’t known before. i see some situations haven’t changed, some have. i see my heart actually being thankful. i see my joy actually being my strength. i don’t see bitterness or anger. i don’t hear lies of “if you were just skinner or prettier or…” and if i do they are taken captive.

but at the end of the day, sometimes i am still just sad. i hadn’t expected to be sad without believing a lie or not trusting. and as i process, i can honestly say that i trust my God to come through perfectly. unfortunately, that doesn’t mean it will be painless. it doesn’t mean that feelings won’t arise and i will always be happy.

but it does mean that at the same end of day that i am sad, He is good. and just because it doesn’t make sense and i can’t explain it doesn’t make it less true because the author of truth is the one who spoke it.