in my life, i have a pattern of all or nothing. if i can’t do it perfectly i just don’t. which has for sure negatively affected many areas of my life. if i couldn’t do amazingly in school i didn’t try…somehow i managed to get good grades. i could never eat well or seem to be disciplined…so i never took care of my body. i threw myself into the things i could do well at to the detriment of everything i couldn’t.
and i have been thinking a lot about grace. how He is so gracious to love us well. to let us see ourselves as He sees us. to be faithful to make us like Him. i started praying for my life to be His. that all of me would be His and the result is a season of constant repentance. i feel like every time i turn around, He is showing me something else to repent of or let go of. the result is everything is in His hands. and i think of psalm 5:3 O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. hahah our lives are a living sacrifice (romans 12:1). in that sacrifice, we should be expectant! not for what we want but expectant that He is going to do all that He promised!!!
and i have been listening to “ascend the hill” on repeat…there is a song called “inheritance” and it is talking about galatians 5:1…for freedom we have been set free! and i see how the Lord has been growing in me the same heart for myself that He has for me. a heart of grace. a heart of not having to be all in or not doing it. that i can run and fall and get back up and keep going and it is better to be moving forward than simply not moving in fear of falling.
i see this play out in my life with my friends. i see it in work. in personal my personal life. in my walk with the Lord. i love that He is so faithful to work these things in us. but goes a step further that He shows us how to share it with the next person. to use how He has grown/worked in us with the next person. i have been talking through grace and repentance and surrender with community and it is so good!
sometimes it is easy to love Him and choose Him and worship Him. sometimes it is a battle. an all out war. usually for me it is a war in my mind. and it seems fitting that in order to get the ultimate goal of being like him there should be a fight. what of value have you not fought for. whether a relationship or goal or desire.
i pray that each of you who reads this grows in expectancy for the Lord showing up. i pray for the expectancy of the church to swell to such great heights that the only response in our hearts is to praise Him and give Him all glory and honor!!!
