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for most of my life, i have never slept well. mostly just falling asleep is what is hard. but since i was a baby, it had to be dark and there had to be white noise. over the years i learned exercises that were supposed to help me fall asleep. some did but other times my mind would just race.

it seems the older i get, the better it gets. i will have bouts where i can’t sleep. i am either too excited about something or my mind is in overdrive processing. sometimes i think it is neither and i don’t understand. sometimes it is just laying in bed, not even thinking and then realizing i am still awake though i haven’t been “processing” anything. it is in those moments i realize God wants to speak.

and so i sit down with my computer and listen. sometimes i just start typing and before i know it i have filled an entire page of thoughts i didn’t even know were there. and through the frustration of the sleeplessness, especially when i was looking forward to starting crossfit the next day, i am thankful that He meets me. in the quiet stillness of the midnight.

He gently whispers His truth. He reminds me of truth spoken earlier. He restores my spirit. “you don’t need to know yet and you don’t need to figure it out” He kindly reminds me. He is so much more on top of things than i am on my best day!

i repent for not trusting that. for forgetting how good He truly is!

Abba Father! i thank you that you have not left us as orphans. that you have adopted us into your family and we can cry out Abba! i thank you that you listen and move. i thank you that you are perfect and faithful. come. rest on your people. even in this hour, awaken dreams in your people. draw your people close to you. let the signs, wonders and miracles that take place bring you and you alone glory and honor and praise! you are the God of hope and joy and peace. you are the one who sustains and brings for light and life and love! behold you are doing a new thing! let us not remember the things of the past but press forward to the place you are calling us. fill us with strength and courage. fill us with integrity and honor. amen.