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sometimes i am a slow processor. sometimes it is quick. maybe i didn’t really think this one through.

as i lay in bed praying to go to sleep. praying for His heart. for the desires in my heart to be His desires. praying that if it came to what i wanted here and Him that i would never hesitate to choose Him. that no matter how He wanted to use me i would say, “here i am, Lord, send me”.

and my mind jumped back to sunday. we are sitting at church at the austin stone community church downtown campus. worship was great though it felt like i was the only one dancing. then Dr. Russell Moore got up to speak on ephesians 5:15-33 i believe. first of all he starts off with reminding us that whenever God speaks something happens be it creation or life or growth, etc.

i could go on forever. it was a really great message. at one point he started talking about sexuality. why sex outside of marriage is so wrong. and then he said something like…

Sex outside marriage is an issue because another gospel being proclaimed. A gospel that says Jesus is using his church for his satisfaction instead of laying down his life is love of his bride.

in the moment i was like man that is good! totally makes sense.

but as i lay in bed, it hit me that i have so many times “felt” like He was just using me. using me for His glory. felt being the important word.

tonight as i lay in my dark hotel room, wanting so desperately to sleep, my heart stirs as i see i have listened to another gospel. a gospel that says He is just using me.

He never just uses us. though He cares more for our holiness than our comfort, He never discards us or neglects us. i don’t know if i understand that entirely and don’t know what to do with the emotions all the time but i know the true gospel is that He came, died, rose and is coming back. that He came TO die. He came ‘for the joy set before Him’. that is the TRUE gospel.