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6 months after leaving a job i loved, i’m still jobless. (i have a “job” but it isn’t producing enough income for me to live on.) and it’s hard.

it’s so interesting though. hard doesn’t always mean without peace. hard doesn’t mean without faith. hard doesn’t mean without provision.

for me, hard means grieving the loss of things i chose to leave behind for somewhere i felt God was calling me to. hard means grieving the loss of things that i didn’t choose to happen. hard means the pain associated with “pruning” after a season of fruitfulness. a season of pruning to prepare me for the next season of growth.

in spite of not having a money making job and not really knowing my place and not really knowing what i am doing with my life, God is good. back at the end of the summer, i asked God to show me His goodness in the “bad” times as i knew it in the good. i wanted to be able to not just have a knowledge of His goodness when it is hard but an experience of that goodness.

let me tell you…He is in fact good. now if you have a wacky view of good to mean everything is perfect and happy and feels nice, well good luck with that. no. good is something supremely different. good is peace when it doesn’t look like what you thought it would. good is provision and you don’t even understand. good is having hope when satan would whisper that all hope is gone. good is seeing the armor He gave you, doing it’s job.

i don’t know why i don’t have a job. i don’t know why i am on food stamps. i don’t know what He is doing in my relationships or what He has coming. i don’t know. but i feel the nagging question “will you trust me if you never know?” barraging me. He is the only one to to trust. He is the only one who will always come through, even when it looks like He isn’t.

that is my God.